Oktober

 

The darkness eats away at me

Minute by minute

Day by day

In a constant search for the bright white light of life, I get pulled back inward.

It's not that I don't see the sun shining through my windowpane

Or that I don't feel the way the breeze whispers through the trees on a magical October day.

It's that I feel it all...

the beauty, the magic, the life, the death, the sadness, the pain

All of it.

Rushing through my veins with an intensity that plagues me.

Someone else walking by me on the street, I get punched in the gut by their struggles.

I see a new mother cradling her baby, and I cry her tears, not mine. 

I am cursed.

My curse is my own and for only me to harness. 

And I must or else I will be trapped by it.

There is light within me, I know. 

Enough that it shall never get snuffed out.

And for that I am grateful but growing tiresome of constant struggle within myself.

I live everyday half in the light and half in the dark

With each passing day, one will sway over the other in an alternating current that expends all my energies.

I am the healer. A knower of souls, all souls.

But to which ends must I go before I cannot heal myself

Whose soul do I touch? 

Who will be my healer?

My curse, and mine alone. 

Day by day

Minute by minute

The darkness eats away at me.

Written by Samantha Gendreau